A Letter of Recommendation

Today I was witness to a meltdown of epic proportions. A mother and her two young children came into the store today to return a couple items. While standing at the service desk the 2 year old daughter (I'm guessing she was two) expressed an urgent need, and the mom whisked her off to the restroom. The mom left mid-transaction, with a line of people behind her waiting to be checked out. She said nothing to my employee, or the people waiting behind her. She just ran to the bathroom. Unfortunately, there are certain points during the return process during which our registers will not allow us to exit a transaction. The mom left quite a few people in an uncomfortable situation, without even a simple "excuse me" or "I'll be right back". Her needs were of utmost importance.

I was just about to enter some bogus information and fake my way out of the transaction when the mom re-appeared. The daughter had spilled water down the front of herself, and was crying because she wanted to change her clothes. The mom stood off to the side of our customer service area while the girl threw an incredible fit. Again, the mom said nothing to the other customers, or to those of us working behind the service desk. She argued with her daughter (ever try to win an argument with a two year old?) and continued to make everyone wait. I went on ahead and entered some bogus customer information in our register system (to our computers, her name is now Jane Smith) and tendered her transaction. I motioned her over to the side, away from the rest of our customers, and had her sign her credit slip. I gave her a copy of her new receipt, and she was on her way. Her daughter was still screaming at the top of her lungs, and the mom pulled her out of the store without an "I'm sorry" an "excuse me" or a "thank you".

The selfish actions of the mom as she badly handled her daughter's misbehavior were mirrored by her daughter. The mom's total disregard for the other customers around her was just as appalling as the fit her daughter threw. They both showed the same selfish "me first" attitude. One of the people working at my customer service desk turned to me and quietly asked, "Have your kids ever done that?" The honest answer is, "No." They haven't and they won't. We've always been very careful to ensure that our kids' misbehavior is dealt with quickly and effectively. They know our expectations when we are in public places. I can't say we haven't ever struggled, but I can say that I am very proud of the result.

To say that kids are reflections of their parents' attitudes and behaviors doesn't quite paint the picture boldly enough. It's more like they are the results of their parents' attitudes and behaviors magnified. It's the reason parenting is such a daunting task. I know that each child has their own personality. But it seems to me that personality just adds color to the painting that is created by the child's upbringing. We begin sketching the outlines of our children from the minute of their birth. Their observations of our behaviors create a pencil sketch to which details are slowly added over time. As they get older, they may decide to object to or rebel against some behaviors. But, at a young age, all they know is what they have seen in us. They duplicate our attitudes and behaviors without even thinking about it.

As I read II Corinthians, it seems to me that Paul writes to the church in Corinth as if they are his children. He is proud of them, even if they perform some actions which require correction. The part of II Corinthians that stands out most vividly to me is in the third chapter, "Are we beginning again to tell you how good we are? Some people need to bring letters of recommendation with them or ask you to write letters of recommendation for them. But the only letter of recommendation we need is you yourselves! Your lives are a letter written in our hearts, and everyone can read it and recognize our good work among you." (II Corinthians 3:1-2)

I think of my children the same way. Like Paul, I am incredibly proud of my children. No letter of recommendation could tell anyone more about me than just a few minutes with my children. They are the ultimate resume. I have every confidence that as I raise them with God's wisdom and with sufficient instruction from His Word they will grow to be a letter of recommendation, and not one of condemnation! But, I can only do it with God's help. As Paul says in verse 5, "It is not that we think we can do anything of lasting value by ourselves. Our only power and success come from God."

I'm devoting this week to studying Godly parenthood.

God, I pray for your wisdom in the area of parenting. Help me to examine my own behavior when I see my children act up. Help me eliminate bad behaviors, and re-enforce good ones (in myself first, and then in them). Help me to raise children that aren't afraid to change the world around them, instead of just following it. Help me raise them to be confident in their Christianity. Help me raise them to treat others as they would want to be treated; to be true friends and role models. Thanks again for the great example of parenting you have provided for me in the persons of my own Mother and Father.